White Trash(bag window)

If you have ever planned on robbing me, now would be the perfect time. I say this because my key is stuck in my front door, so I can't lock it unless I'm inside, and I have a white trash bag in place of one of my front windows. Cla-ah-ssy. Yesterday, I was leaving my apartment and went to lock my door as always, but when I started to turn the key back to its upright position in order for me to remove it from its key hole, it just stopped turning. In either direction. I could not get it to budge a nanometer. I went to my neighbor for help. He annoys me enough with his loud Irish music playing at inappropriate times, so I decided to give him a chance to redeem himself, which he blew...horribly. He can't get the key out either, but in his efforts he bent my key chain worse than [enter really gay person here]. Well, I'm locked out. I need to open my window to get in my apartment and unlock my door. My neighbor "helps". His help turned into him busting my front window to pieces. He then reveals to me that he has been out drinking and is smashed. Awesome. But not as awesome as the fact that some of the glass from the window landed in cat diarrhea that was hiding behind my chair. Apparently, my cat had diarrhea and decided not to use the litter box. I would have been embarrassed, but I have no shame. Plus, this wasn't Hot Neighbor, this was Annoying Drunk Neighbor being overly helpful. I pick up the pieces of glass, and the cat excrement, and then tape a trash bag over the hole where my window was.



Meanwhile, my neighbor takes my lock apart to try and get the key out. He shares that he used to steal and this was an easy task, followed with an "I like your place." Nice. He still can't get the key out. I realize I am going to have to wait to call my landlord since it was a holiday and will just have to risk leaving my place unlocked and having a trash bag window. There was only one thing left to do...



...DANCE, DANCE REVOLUTION!!

(If you want to rob me, however, you will have to do it tonight. Tomorrow I'm getting a new lock and window. Well, I guess you could rob me anytime, but if you want to rob me while only a trash bag is your barrier, then you have to do it tonight. Also, my neighbor felt bad and brought me over a 6-pack of Pabst and 4 bottles of Bass (don't steal all of those if you rob me - leave me something to drown my sorrows in once I find out I've been robbed). A nice gesture, but now I am expecting to hear some loud annoying Irish music blaring through my walls in the next few days. Thank goodness I am moving into a house next month.)

(Oh, I almost forgot to warn those who might be considering robbing me. My neighbor also said that if someone does try to break in while I'm home, I can just bang on the wall and he'll come running over with his battle ax. That's right, a battle ax. I think I'd rather be shot than chopped, but if it's a risk your willing to take...
Thank goodness I am moving into a house next month.)