Isn't being in college the greatest? It's the right amount of freedom mixed with irresponsibility that no 18 year old should ever really be allowed to have because he or she will surely waste it on frivilous experiences that lead up to unrealistic expectations for his or her future.
Then, you graduate and you have to adjust from 12 hour week loads to 40. From car insurance being something that your parents gave you a piece a paper of to put in your glove box to yet another bill taking away from your going out fund. From short skirts with tall black boots being a hot outfit for a frat party to a trashy, classless ensemble that only 18 year olds can get away with wearing. So you spend the first year after graduation trying to keep on living a college lifestyle, but with more work hours and less sleep hours. Then you start to disconnect from those years, longing for them to return. No matter how hard you try, you can't stay up until 4 in the morning on a Tuesday night and make it into work at 8 on Wednesday morning on a regular basis. Grad school starts to sound really appetizing, not as the necessary step to further your career/education/life goals, but as your ticket to the lost days of a good time you deep down know you will never experience the same way again. You long for your friends who are now scattered across the globe, and you wonder if they miss it all as much as you do. If the time spent together was as important to them.
I was told you start to change a lot when you turn 25, but I just scoffed at the idea because don't we all change a lot every year, even if we don't want to. Living life forces change, experience brings change, we can not avoid it. But now, I understand what all those folks meant. The difference between me turning 23, 24, and 25 was little compared to the one in me turning 25 and 26.
The point of all this, is that this year, for the first year in my life (that I am aware of), I feel that I have truly grown as a person. I don't long to go back to days of irresponsibility. I look to my future, not my past. Grad school is now something I am considering seriously as a means to further myself professionally, not as a way to get two more years of play time. I am completely comfortable with myself and happy with who I have become. This does not mean that I'm settling where I am as a person (and I realize you might not like me, but that's okay (but most likely if that is the case, you are a *****)). I constantly want to grow, and have a long way to go, I'm sure. I feel like a major shift has occurred though, and most of my insecurities have vanished. It's like all of a sudden I've become semi-enlightened and gained a whole new perspective on life. (Please don't read this as me saying I've got it all figured out, because I am still quite a mess in many facets.)
And believe me, it has been a sometimes insane, sometimes embarassing, sometimes depressing, and often times confusing path that has led me here, but it's good to be where I am now: turning 26, ready to take my valuable experiences from the past decade and move forward into my future, hoping not to repeat too many of the mistakes. I really couldn't have said the same the past couple of years.
Now, all that being said (or written), it's time to go celebrate my year of growth by behaving like an immature idiot, which I have learned over my 26 years that I am quite good at doing. Woohoo, party!
The funny thing about this whole post is that I really think I can't relate my feelings to you unless you go through what I'm talking about yourself. Some of you might be able to understand me exactly, but I bet most of you are probably thinking that I need to stop smoking crack. But 26 year old April says, "I don't care what you think. This is me. Love me or leave me."
